Celebrating the Death of Man

The most popular artifact among my school groups this year is something I improvised on the spot. One group botched a teleport roll and ended up in the city of Mavet Rav. There, they met a vampire witch named Valery who said she will help them get back home if they supplied her with the components needed to perform this ritual. It was funny to watch the confusion as the kids tried to join three oxymoronic facts – the woman is a witch with a cauldron and a pointy hat BUT she’s young and handsome BUT she’s an undead monster with ulterior motives.

Anyhow, the three components were: A book titled Celebration of the Death of Man, a goo called The Vilest of Worms, and someone who really wants to see the sun again.

Now the book turned out to be a hefty tome of somber black leather and stained parchment sheets that tell you about all the deaths that occurred nearby from the most recent to the earliest. The descriptions are usually ironic and unsympathetic, for example:

The Paladin Tourjiman was a great man who wished to rid the world of sin. His last thought was, “I wish I experienced a little bit of sin...”

Little Annie was lost in the wilderness and wondered if there was anything to eat there. There was – her.

The brave rogue’s last thought was, “it’s a shame I can’t fly.”

And so forth.

Three things that never meet do here unite...
Ary by Trixis

It’s been a good five sessions since they found the blasted tome, and the kids still walk with the book open all time and demand to hear what the book says. They call it the "Stand Up Book." They even laugh heartily at quotes like:

Young Elfari’s father worked day and night to find a cure to the plague. He found it one day after his son died.

Marfima was spared the outrage of divorce by her husband, who soon joined her on the other side because her ghost was quite unbearable...

Rorisian just wanted a sip of refreshing juice. Such a shame his mom confused the labels... 

So far they only used it for kicks. No one considered using it to solve crimes...
Also, in case you wonder - yes, the title of the book was inspired by Agalloch.