Player: Wood... doesn't burn that well... (after being told his fireball set his village on fire)
Player 1: I have things holier than you coming out of my butt!
Player 2: You're not the bringer of holy shit!
NPC: My dungeon was designed to stop fools and weaklings.
Player (after passing through the dungeon): Well, it failed!
NPC (examining the PCs with disgust): I can see that...
Player (playing a Catholic priest): I kill and destroy in the name of Jesus.
Player (describing encounter with the undead): They didn't actually eat my soul... more like licked it.
Player (before a dangerous assault): Wait! Someone has to stay behind and guard the camp...
NPC (flirting): Hi, where are you going to?
NPC: What are you looking for there?
Player: DEATH! Wanna come?
Player: So, what's your name?
Elf NPC gets very nervous.
Player: O.K, no need for panic, where do you live?
Elf NPC kills himself.
Player: What? What did I say?!
Craziest DM ever!
These quotes, along with hundreds of others can be found in the Table Talk section of this site. Have fun!